Lakers Fans Angry at Adam Morrison’s Decision, Shave Pornstatches (SATIRE)
LOS ANGELES, CA — Los Angles Lakers fans were seen shaving their pornstaches in protest of Adam Morrison leaving their team Thursday. This bizarre scene unfolded Thursday night after Adam Morrison announced he would not return to the Lakers next season.
Shortly after Morrison announced his stunning decision ace reporter Brando King was there on the scene to interview local residents of Los Angeles after the choice was made to leave the Lakers. Brando caught up with local resident Don Singleton and he had interesting thoughts to share about Morrison deciding he should have a chance to touch the court next year.
“I don’t believe this, I’ve spent the last 15 months growing my pornstache just because of him and he just leaves,” Singleton added. “I just wanted to be like Adam, grow a pornstatche, play 20 minutes the entire season, and make 5 million a year.”
Brando then caught up with Lakers reserve DJ Mbenga on his thoughts, and his thoughts were also fascinating.
“Adam was the only guy on the team not to make fun of my ears, and then he just decides he should touch the court like other NBA players.” Mbgena pleaded. “I never wanted to touch the court once during the season, all I wanted was for us to win another ring and be on Jimmy Kimmel with Kobe Bryant.”
Asked on what Lakers fans would think of Morrison after he decided to leave ; he decided to point to the park bench and declined to comment. Unfortunate as his response was, it was just as understandable.
Friends in Morrison’s “inner circle” told us he was “fed up” with not touching the court, and that he wanted to revive his already “dead career.” One friend added that if Morrison could go to the Nets he might even be able to be apart of their starting lineup. As foolish as the comments were by his friend, it was easy to see his friends believe in Adam, and all that he hasn’t accomplished in the NBA.
It is probably safe to say that the days of seeing Los Angeles residents sporting pornstaches is probably over, but the next city will hopefully embrace Morrison’s pornstatche the same way residents of Los Angeles did.
Asked what he would most miss about Adam Morrison, Josh Powell simply exclaimed, “Pornstatche!”
In a statement issued by Morrison himself he stated.
“It was a tough decision. I’ve loved every moment I’ve experienced in Los Angeles, but I feel I’m ready to take on the challenges of something I have always dreamed about – starting in a regular season game. The good news for Lakers fans is that the cupboard isn’t bare and I’m confident Coach (Phil) Jackson and the returning players will continue what has become a Finals contender every season in the Los Angeles Lakers.”